2010...I just don't know what to think about you

In January of 2010, I was reading Yes and Yes. Sarah Von asked a very important question: what are you looking forward to in 2010? I couldn't think of anything. There was nothing I wanted to do, nothing I wanted to change. I didn't have plans or aspirations. And even though it wasn't a bad thing, per se, it seemed to me to be a very...sad thing to think. Nothing to look forward to.

I wish I could say that I set out that day to change my life and way of looking at things, but I didn't. I started this blog, and then never wrote on it again.

Because 2010 exploded.

2010 is the year I did my first Blue Barn show. The first time someone cast me in a role I thought I wouldn't be good in. The first time I was offered a role without auditioning. First time I wrote a show and then first time I headed up a show for Witching Hour. First time I got lessons on how to dance like a stripper.

2010 is the year I went to MaxFunCon, and met all my heroes and all the incredible, incredibly talented people who were just there to attend.

2010 is the year Maria Bamford told me I was funny and lonelysandwich said I was adorable.

The first time I went to Disneyland. I rode my first roller coaster.

2010 is the year Greg and I got the Drew Billings Grant to start the New Timey Radio Hour. Which we did. 2010 is the year of very fancy microphones.

2010 is the year Ashley told me to apply for the job I saw on this blog we read, so I met Megan and Alice and got to be the assistant to Princess Lasertron at Camp, and meet all the wonderful people through that amazing opportunity, and do something that seems so perfect for me to do that sometimes it makes me want to pee.

At my mall job...well...I got a raise. That was nice.

In 2010 Greg and I did a LOT of RESPECT shows. Which was good, because it meant we had money. But 2010 was also the year that world proved that our work was necessary, that the anti-bullying campaign wasn't some touchy-feely hippie cause but something that schools needed more of, desperately.

And 2010 was bad sometimes. Truly horrifically unbelievably bad. So bad that I screamed and cried and threw full cans of soda against walls because I didn't know what else to do with my hands. I smoked a lot. I drank too much. 2010 is the first time I've ever actually considered killing a person.

2010 has left scars. 2010 has left some of us questioning 2011 and what could possibly come along to make things better, or even just they way they used to be, because some things can not continue in the way they are now.

And I guess that's the only reason I'm conflicted. Because this year was so great, so life-challengingly awesome in so many ways--but to declare it the best year ever would let it off the hook for those bad, dark times and I'm not ready to do that yet.

So here's what I'll say: 2010, you did the best you could. And for a year of nothing to look forward to, I have had so many opportunities thrown my way and met so many incredible people that I am no longer hanging out. I am in love with my life, 2010, so thanks. I guess.